Thursday, June 4, 2015

Busy Week

Not gonna lie to you? This week has been busy as hell. Zucchini plants are taking off like I water them with coffee and steroids in equal measure, likewise my rosebushes, and the apricot tree finally put out fresh apricots. Two days later, my youngest stepson is still checking the tree every day for more. 
       Oh yeah, did I mention our youngest decided to hang out with me this week? Turns out he'd never had an apricot before, so when the first one was ripe and we were the only two home (dogs aside, fuzzy little permanent fixtures that they are), I pulled it off the tree, rinsed it off with the garden hose and split it with him. It was rich and perfect and still warm from the late afternoon sun. He'd barely even had the first bite swallowed before he declared his love for all things apricot. It made me smile, reminded me of me when I was his age and tried one for the first time.
     He's been running me ragged this week, the way the young always do. 
     We have a huge trampoline out in the back yard, and it's always been one of his favorite things to do around here. When we first bought it, paranoid crisis planning sort that I am, I set out to dig a hole in our yard big enough to put the trampoline surface level with the ground(If you knew just how hard the dirt was in our area, you'd call me a masochist, and looking back, I can't completely disagree with you), and with my husband and oldest stepson's help, we put the trampoline in it. 
     Don't get me wrong, they can still fall, but they can't fall far, which I figured was far better than the alternative. 
     With his older brother back at their mother's place for the week, since he's not out of school yet, that leaves me to be the playmate of the week. Which means my "I'm getting too old for this" arse was out bouncing around on the trampoline with him and trying to delude myself into thinking I was a kid again. 
     I forgot about my age and the heat when he started giggling either the third or fourth time we played "Crack the egg" (It's his favorite) and I sent him launching up into the air.
     Don't worry. For those of you who've never played, you sit cross-legged on the trampoline and hold onto your ankles with your hands, and its the jumper's job to get you to let go of your ankles, and to topple over, thus to "crack your egg". Good fun for the jumpee, great exercise for the jumper. 
    And guess who got to be the jumper. Yay me haha. 
    Trampoline aside, I've set out to do whatever I could to make this week special for him, as he isn't often over by himself, and with him being 10 now, I know it's only a matter of time before he wakes up and realizes he's "too cool" to hang out with me. 
    He came across his dad and I playing Rock Band sometime in the not-so-distant past, and seeing his dad on the drums, he decided to give it a shot. 
   Less than two years later, he's able to hold his own on almost every song on Guitar Hero 5 on the drums, and he likes having me play along with him on guitar. We jam along together and sing the songs we know, pretending to sing the songs we don't, and we have a mutual agreement on a couple of the songs we played through once and "shall never speak of this again". 
     I play on the easy setting, keeping my eyes on him with the understanding between us that if he messes up and gets booted, it's my job to bring him back in, so he can get better. I love seeing how into it he gets, hearing him jam to Bon Jovi, and hearing him sing the Beatles when we chance to switch over to the Beatles Rock Band. 
   Most of this week has been about the garden, Guitar Hero and the trampoline for him, and camping out in the living room together till all hours, watching whatever on the TV together till he gets up and staggers down the hall, to go to bed. 
   I love seeing the smile on his face when he drifts off to sleep, with him murmuring in his half-asleep-already way about everything we did together that day, and what he wants to do tomorrow. Makes me feel good to know that though he's on the brink of being "too cool to hang out with me" he's not quite there just yet.  
    My husband took last night off to spend with us, sort of as a special day, and the three of us headed out to the movies. How could we not? The new Avengers is out, and hell's gonna freeze before we miss that one in the theater. And yes, for the record, we always sit all the way through the credits, holding our breath for the spoiler scene. (Shawarma, anyone?) Our youngest was plopped down between us, stealing my popcorn and grinning ear to ear, practically bouncing in his seat with his big blue eyes glued to the screen. 
   Firecracker that he's always been, there are very few things that can hold his attention or keep him still for lengthy periods at a time-- video games, for one, but even those can try his patience, super hero movies for two (I think that's true for the whole house. Especially Marvel and D.C.), and books. I was tickled to death to discover that he runs through books like I do, and he doesn't just stick to fiction or comics.
   A few years back, he discovered that I'd gone through E.M.T. training at an earlier point in my life, and that I'd in fact graduated and had my license for a time, and that sparked a curiosity in him. Then came the questions. Questions led to answers, that led to more questions. Fast forward a bit, and suddenly he, his older brother and I are standing in Barnes and Nobles, browsing, and the youngest sits down in the middle of the aisle with a children's anatomy book, opens it, and starts reading. 
    He sat there for a good fifteen minutes solid without looking up, while his brother wandered off to check out the comics and I hung around somewhere between the two, to keep an eye on them both while they wandered the aisles. 
    When I came walking up to him as he sat there reading, he lifted his head, and he immediately started telling me what he'd learned so far. 
    We ended up leaving the store with the book. 
    Over a year later, he still comes over and tells me about what he's learned that week-- what the kidneys do, what the liver does. Telling me he may become a doctor when he grows up, and as bright as he is, I wouldn't be surprised if he did. 
   It's been a long and busy week, and I'm honestly sorry to see it coming to a close, at the memory of everything we've done together this week and how quickly the time will fly by-- knowing the day will come that he trades out time with me for time spent with his friends or at work or off on his own. 
   For now, I'm content to enjoy it-- to pop the popcorn and laugh with him as we stuff our faces and try to decide which Marvel is our favorite (His is Captain America, I have too many to choose just one), to have late night movie marathons and to play rock band together till he laughs and lets his hands drop to his sides because he's worn them out, to "crack the egg" on that old trampoline and hear him dissolve into a mass of grins and giggles as I laugh along with him. 
   I treasure these days with him at this age, and I miss them already, knowing already that one day soon, they won't be there anymore.
   When that day comes, I hope he remembers them all as fondly as I do.  

Run Jesse- Part 8

http://avsongbirdshortstories.blogspot.com/2015/06/run-jesse-part-8.html

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Monday, June 1, 2015

Run Jesse- Part 5

http://avsongbirdshortstories.blogspot.com/2015/06/run-jesse-part-5.html

You're not alone

               I want to find other people like me. I want to find the ones who go about their lives like they're normal, like there's nothing special or different about them. The ones who go to work and school and go about their day like they don't have a million different things on their mind.
               I want to find the secret outcasts, the ones who never quite felt like they fit in. The ones who speak more eloquently on paper even on their worst days than they ever do in conversation.
               The ones who curl up with their laptop at night and create infinity with their fingers. The ones who scribble notes onto a napkin in the middle of restaurants. The ones who write hundreds of stories and thousands of pages they're too self-conscious to dream of sharing with anyone else because they're afraid of rejection, of mockery and ridicule.
               The ones who dream of more... of endless possibilities.
               The creators, the dreamers, the thinkers, the wishers, the imaginers.
               The ones who, like me, fall in love with people and places that never existed outside the reality we live in every day.       
               I'd love to find a way to bring them out to play, even if it's within the safe black and white confines of the world wide "why not". I'd love to make them dare to think of "what if". To show them that there are others out there like them, dreaming, writing, painting, singing...
               Creating.
               To show them that they are not alone.
               I want to share my secret worlds with them; I want to share the vision, the dream. I want to reach deep inside them and make them feel. I want to make YOU feel.
               I want the interaction, the passion, the energy. I want to give them a place to come and be inspired to create, to share, to fuel their passions and walk away feeling better.
               I want to show you that it's not as scary as you think it is. Don't get me wrong-- I've always been an introvert. To this day, I'm still shy... at first. But once people get to know me, I'm a royal smart-ass, sarcastic, love to laugh and dance and sing and have fun. I'm a nerd and I love nerd things, and an all around goofball. I'm a card-carrying member of more than a couple of fandoms (and no, if I don't know you personally, I'm not telling you what they are, though as you get to know me, you'll more than likely figure it out at some point haha.)
               The thought of going public, of putting myself out there, my writing, my face, my voice, is one of the scariest things I've ever done in my life. And though I'll admit the video logs and sharing my feelings through my blogs are getting easier as the days pass, as the numbers continue to go up I still feel that stab of nervous fear every time I go to post a video, blog, story, drabble.
               I hope I never lose that feeling, because that feeling keeps me in check. It keeps me humble.
               If you make your way here, and you find yourself feeling better at knowing you're not alone-- that there's other people out there like you, like us-- then I'm glad. That's why I'm here. If my scaring the hell out of myself and putting myself out there makes you feel a little less afraid at the thought of reaching out and finding understanding and a little bit of peace and a sense of belonging, then I'm glad. And I honestly hope you find it in yourself to reach out and let me know if I helped you.
               I know how scary it can be to put yourself out there, your face, your picture, your name, your words. The world's a big place, and I know not everyone out there is as accepting or understanding as we wish they were. And I'm ready for that. At least, I hope I am.
               So I understand if you want to comment on my work, to share your ideas about it and your thoughts and that maybe you feel nervous at the thought of putting it out there for everyone to see. I know that feeling all too well. That's why I understood from the start that making a separate email where any of you could contact me away from the public eye to tell me what you thought or to introduce yourself to me would hopefully make you feel better, safer, and more at ease.

              You're not alone. You never were. And if that thought makes you feel better at knowing it, then I'm glad. 

you are my sunshine- for my mom and my grandmother.






Please keep in mind it's been forever since I last sang in public, I usually sing for my family or under my breath any more, so I know it's not perfect. But I've always loved the song and to this day it's still one of my favorite love songs.