AVSongbvird blog vid #5- music, stories, life stuff, and youtube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBGdllonWNA

thank you!

You know something guys, I've been working with my Youtube, going through my social media, watching all the new people following me, and the people signing up for email updates on my blog, and I've been talking with people who've liked or followed my work over the course of the last month or so, and there's no words to describe just how it feels to be sitting here, taking all of this in.

I always saw myself as a nobody from the middle of nowhere, and I always asked myself why anyone would ever want to read my work. Sitting here, getting all the feedback, having people tell me that my work touches them, that they enjoy it, hearing that they find inspiration in it? I can't imagine a better feeling of contentment and acceptance and happiness than I feel as I sit back and take it all in. And I wouldn't trade it for anything.

For those of you I've talked with, thank you, from the bottom of my heart thank you, for your time, for your dedication, for giving me a chance. For those who are new here, those I haven't talked to, I look forward to talking with you.



Jen K.

avsongbird

Keep moving forward

It's incredible when you take the leap of faith and start putting yourself out there, and you find yourself meeting people from all over-- people who came across whatever work it was you put out there, whether it's a song, a poem, a story, a painting, a sculpture, any form of work of art or form of expression you chose to share.
I can think of no more suitable word than the word incredible for such a feeling as I find myself in that position. Here I am, just a housewife, a thirty-something nobody from the middle of nowhere posting whatever comes to mind, and I've met the most interesting people over the course of the last month or so-- some of them writers, poets, readers. Some of them would-be bloggers, people who wanted to put their work out there in some form, but were nervous about the thought of taking that one big step that would put them in the public eye.
I tell them the same thing I told myself a little over a month ago-- "Don't ask yourself why, because you'll find a million reasons why you shouldn't do it. Ask yourself 'why the hell not'?"
Dare to be yourself in this life, dare yourself to push yourself to the next level, to always be reaching, striving, pushing!
Don't talk yourself out of it or logic yourself out of it, because you'll cheat yourself out of incredible things-- things you couldn't even dream of.
Sitting here now, knowing how I feel as I read through my emails, my texts, my tweets, my facebook, reading notes and emails and comments from the people I've always known in my life, reading others from people I've never met (some I've talked to in one form or another, others I look forward to talking to)-- I'll never forget that feeling. It's a feeling I never thought I'd know in my life. Because however often I dreamed of sharing my writing with others, of putting myself out there and finding acceptance, of finding people who enjoyed what I do, I always found myself talking myself out of it-- telling myself I was a nobody from nowhere, that there was no way anyone would ever want to read anything that came out of my head.
I was having a conversation with someone tonight, a friend of mine from the past who just recently got back in touch with me, and we got talking about blogging, and what inspires us.
She told me she enjoys talking with me, and she said I was a "fountain of inspiration".
I almost cried when I read it. All my life, I've found inspiration everywhere-- in everything and everyone I've ever met. I've always hoped I would inspire other people, and I've always tried to do whatever I could to help others.
Hearing from someone that I inspire them? That touched me deeply, because it's something I've always wanted to do.
Sitting here a little over a month into the next phase in my life, hopefully the first phase in my life as a writer, I'm grateful for the past month-- for the nerves, and the fears I've come across, for the people I've met, and the friends I'm making, for the creative and inspiring and positive people I'm now coming into contact with in the knowledge that none of any of this would have been possible if I hadn't taken that first step on my own.
Have you taken yours? Don't ask yourself why you shouldn't take it, because you'll find a million reasons why you shouldn't take it, and you'll think of the people who are going to laugh at you, who will ridicule and mock you, who will hold their breath waiting for you to fail, and who may laugh if you do.
Don't tell yourself you're no one from nowhere, that your opinions and your talents don't matter, that no one will ever find merit in them. Because the truth is? You don't know that.
There may be someone out there somewhere who's sitting there, just like you-- who feels as you feel, who dreams as you dream, who fears just as you fear.
And they may be waiting for your influence, for your bravery, to inspire them.
Don't ask yourself why you should do it. Ask yourself "Why the hell not?"
And take that step.

The Downward Spiral and the Uphill Climb-- Reclaiming Yourself

If there's one thing I've learned over the course of the last few years of my life, it's that you can't live someone else's version of what your life is supposed to be (or what you think they think your life is supposed to be) and be happy.
We've all done it-- thinking we had to act a certain way, talk or look or be a certain way in order to be accepted, to be successful, to feel loved.
It's so stressful, living your life that way. It's stressful and frustrating and draining.
And the longer you go on that way, the more you find yourself getting comfortable with it.
The more comfortable you get, the harder it is to change it.
And it's a downward spiral. The more you become who they think you should be (or who you think they think you should be) the less "yourself" you become, and with each passing day, week, month, more and more of the real you is left along the wayside.
If you're lucky, something or someone will step into your path, grab onto you with both arms and shake you till you wake up.
It could be your kids, your family, a close friend, a significant other.
It could be a total stranger on the street who just happened to be passing you by at the time.
Be grateful for that person. Because even a day spent living someone else's version of your life, is a day too much. And the longer you live your life that way-- the further down the spiral carries you-- the harder it is to claw your way back up to the top again.
But it's worth the climb, and all of the work and effort and frustration that you'll find yourself facing on the way back to reclaiming yourself again, because once you get back to the top?
The view is incredible. And when you get there? You'll realize you never want to live your life any other way.

I miss you-- a love letter

I miss you- a love letter
(This is from another love story I wrote a few years back. It's still one of my favorites, and I often find myself going back to read the story all over again. I hope you enjoy it.)

God, how I miss you.
Your innocence, your faith, your eyes.
Your fearlessness.
I miss the way your eyes light up with your smile.
I miss the feel of your lips on mine.
Your slender fingers playing whisperingly over my skin
In seeming innocence, as though you didn't know that
You set my soul on fire with just one touch, one look.
One kiss.
I catch myself saying your name at odd moments,
Just for the tingle of excitement that always passes through me
Whenever I say it aloud.
I lie in my bed in the dark and whisper your name into the darkness,
And I imagine you're there with me, your arm around me
As it once was.
I miss the way you always reached out for me while you slept,
When you were too lost to your dreams to even realize you were doing it.
I miss every second of every day we spent together.
I miss your thoughtfulness and the sound of your voice.
And more than all of this, I miss the smile you always saved
Just for me.

In those Pages

In Those Pages

By Jen K.-- 2015

I'm there, in those pages,

If you look hard enough.

Can you find me there?

Do you want to?

When you pull back the cover on my notebook,

When you click on that link,

You're foregoing the guardrails, and the safety nets.

You're leaving your world behind you, shedding it like a discarded skin.

You're crossing over into a world entirely of my making.

And the rules of your old world-- your old life-- don't necessarily apply to mine.

So consider yourself warned, and welcome aboard.

Don't keep your hands and arms inside the car at all times,

But I sincerely hope you enjoy the ride. 

Sounding Boards and Audio-books

               Every writer-- whether you're a poet, lyricist, novelist, short story writer, napkin scribbler, blogger, or any combination of the above-- needs a reliable sounding board-- someone you can read your work to who will listen with an open mind, and give you their opinion. Someone who will ask the questions that need to be asked, and give you a fresh view of your work, so that you can then head back into your writing nook and correct whatever mistakes you've made.

               For me, that person has always been my mother. And ironically, it's been especially true for the last six years. Since she and I now find ourselves living over 1000 miles apart, that means a lot of late night Skype and cell phone calls (apparently being a night owl runs in my family). 

               I can't stress enough the need for a good sounding board. It's one thing for you to think your work is half-way decent or for you to be pleased with yourself-- that will only take you so far. To push yourself to keep reaching, to keep improving, you really need someone else to give you a different viewpoint. I've lost count of the number of times I've read something to her and had her come back with a viewpoint I hadn't thought of-- some of them changed the story completely.

               I just got off the phone with her a little while ago-- went into the kitchen to pop myself a massive bowl of popcorn and pour myself a bathtub-sized cup of coffee before I came into my room to curl up with my laptop, ready to get to work for the night.

               My mother is an incredibly intelligent woman, but in the household I grew up in, where my step-dad is a hardcore reader, my younger brother is a reader, I'm an even harder-core reader, my mother (though a speed-reader like you wouldn't believe) has never counted herself as much of a reader.

               Granted, when she does pick up a story that catches her interest, she can speed through it like nobody's business. I always counted myself lucky that I'm much the same way in that respect.

               A few weeks back, we were in the middle of me reading something or other to her (as many projects as I've got in the works at the moment, I can't remember which one it was at the time), she told me that my writing is one of the few exceptions to that rule. I only knew that there's times she'll call me out of the blue, always asking first if I'm busy (I always say I'm not, whether I am or not. She's my mom, after all.).

               Then, she asks me to read to her. When I ask her what she'd like to hear, she always answers "Whatever you're working on."

               So I read to her. My poetry, my lyrics, my one-shot drabbles, my epics, and she listens, sometimes asking questions, sometimes offering an opinion on my work, sharing memories and stories of her life that whatever I'm working on might have brought to mind.

               I called her up today and I asked her if she'd seen the video I made for her last night (technically I think it was sometime around 5 this morning when I finally finished editing and posting it), and she pulled it up and watched it.

               She asked me if I'd send her a copy of the video, so I did, just as I sent the mp3 of me singing "Amazing Grace" to her a few days before (I played my singing as the background music for the video I made for her).

               Then, she asked me if I wouldn't mind sending her other recordings-- if I wouldn't mind recording me reading my writing and sending it to her in audio format, and I have to admit, I'd never thought of doing such a thing before. Then again, I've been doing a lot of things lately I never thought of doing, so I thought about it, and I figured sure, why not?  

               I was nervous about making the blog, and now it's starting to feel more comfortable, I was nervous about making vlogs, and now I'm looking forward to it, same with singing in public, and now, I've got two vids on my channel of me doing just that.

               I guess what I'm wanting to ask you guys is-- is that something you guys would be interested in? I know people read audio-books when they're busy, or don't feel like reading, that some people find it more soothing and relaxing to hear the words spoken instead. Are my works something you guys would like to hear in an audio format, if I find a way to post them in such a format, or do you find the idea of my voice akin to something like nails on a chalkboard?

               If this ends up being an idea that people are interested in, I can start looking into it. But if you'd rather just read my words, or if you don't find my voice suitable for the task, then at least I can say I made the effort to try something different, which is something I'm trying to do more and more in my everyday life.

               As always, thank you for taking the time out of your day to read my blog. I appreciate each and every one of you who let me into your lives for a moment at a time, and I hope you have a great night/morning.

--Jen K.