weight loss vlog#10- status of the fitbit challenge and hello plateau

weight loss vlog #9- the race is on with fitbit

avsongbird vlog #27- just being candid, talking about writing and where...

weight loss vlog #8 - Guess what! great news!

Halloween Q & A challenge

weight loss vlog #7- it isn't always easy being so open about all of this

weight loss vlog #6 - misbehaving (and no regrets about it)

avsongbird vlog #25- really had to get this off my chest

weight loss vlog #5 - long distance badge and hubby calls in

vlog #24 an invitation to my friends, viewers, readers, followers, and ...

vlog #23 - jury summons and my lil unintentional vanishing act

vlog #22 - a late night ramble

avsongbird vlog #21 challenging myself and upcoming events

avsongbird vlog #20- the state of things in the songbird nest

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHb1jopbRqY

Had a really rough day today but I didn't forget about you guys

Got some hard news this afternoon, and it's gonna a couple of days for me to process. I didn't want you guys to think I forgot about posting today, but I wanted to be honest with you about what happened, and where my head was. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLMjkYxXIcQ&feature=youtu.be

How it feels- a drabble by avsongbird

It’s so strange for me, to be accepted for my writing, my vlogs, for the vids I’m putting out, and to have people get back to me. I’m not used to being so openly accepted. I’ve always been more or less socially awkward, and I have to laugh—people watch my vlogs and I’ve been told I come across as confident, well spoken.

I’ve always had a decent enough vocabulary- being in love with words and reading and writing the way I always have been, it’s kind of hard at this point not to have a decent enough vocabulary—and I’m annoyingly aware of my tendency to slip into rambling when I’m nervous or scared, or feeling unsure of myself.

If you came across me on the street, and you smiled and tried to pull me into conversation, I’d turn fifty shades of red from the get-go, with my heart tripping over itself and everything else in my chest as I offered you a shy smile and tried to put together something clever or witty to say in return.

Knowing me, I’d end up coming across as eager to please and trying too hard, and all the best comebacks to all your jokes wouldn’t hit me until about an hour or two after we’d parted ways again.

It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you; it’s not that I don’t enjoy the conversation. On the contrary.

It’s just that I’m not used to it, and working my way into being social and having the blogging and the Youtubing and all the things I’m doing now building my confidence, it’s taking time for me to get my confidence level even to the point it’s at now.

But if you mention writing… books… movies… music… or videogames…? If the conversation steers off into one of my hobbies, I’m good. I could listen or talk for hours about anything and everything, so long as the spotlight stays off of me. I’ve had people I’ve met in my life where I sat up all night, just listening to them talk about themselves, and their lives. I love hearing about other people, and I’ve always loved listening to people.

It’s when the attention and the focus turns to me that I really get really shy, and that includes talk of my stories, my videos, my singing, my work. It’s really taking some adjusting to have people come to me and tell me what they think. And I love it. Doing the blogs and now doing the Youtube, especially now that I’m getting back into video-gaming and I’m having more Youtubers and real let’s players draw me into collaborations and interacting with them, I’m finding a sense of belonging and purpose that I haven’t felt in a long time. And as busy as I am with all of it, I’m loving it.

I feel renewed as I sit here, knowing the running is getting easier again, knowing I’m wearing clothes I haven’t fit into in years, knowing I’m entertaining people and making people smile and laugh, and feel, knowing I’m throwing everything I have into being the best wife, stepmom, writer, blogger, youtuber, sister, daughter, friend that I can be, I feel alive in ways I haven’t in a long damn time.

And it’s a euphoric feeling. There’s no other way to put it. Pure euphoria. 

 http://youtu.be/CIzKB-ONFCQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HellNKQzIMc&feature=youtu.be

For those of you who want to write or vlog

            I'm not going to lie and say it's easy to record and post some of the things I post, especially the one vlog where I broke down and cried-- that one was especially hard. It was hard to film, hard to play back and even harder to post it, knowing others might see it. But I knew I had to do it, no matter how hard it was for me to do so at the time. I wanted people to see me as a human being, and to know how much it means to me that they allow me to share my work with them. I love the people I'm meeting who are getting back to me. It's the most incredible experience I've ever had. And human emotions aren't always safe, they aren't always bright and shiny and sparkly and politically correct. But they're real, they're normal, they're healthy.

If you want to write, you should. I still go back to pen and paper sometimes because I love the feeling of the pen in my hand, and when I need to keep up with my head, I go to the computer. And sometimes it's just typing whatever comes into your mind that kicks your brain into gear. Give it a shot! Because trust me, you never know what you're capable of coming up with until you do it! And you don't have to do it for anyone but you. Writing is the most amazing therapy, it really is. Even if no one else ever reads it, do it for your sake first! Make yourself laugh, make yourself cry, and rage. Let yourself vent. Let yourself FEEL. You'll feel much better afterwards, after you get through the drained part after going through the storm that comes along with it. Trust me, I've been through the wringer sometimes for the sake of a good story. And if you ever need support with it, you know where to find me :-)

avsongbird vlog#18- the big project

avsongbird vlog # 17- date night! archives! challenged! Camping!