weight loss vlog #3 down three more this week and wth is a fit bit

vlog #22 - a late night ramble

weight loss updates- getting there!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Zb6XwaHoic

sometimes- a drabble from my blog

               Sometimes, you just want to let yourself believe that it’s worth something. Any of it, all of it. All of the time you spend, all of the effort you pour into it.

               Sometimes you want to feel that it’s all for a reason. Even if you have to lie to yourself, to let yourself believe it.

               To tell yourself the lie so that just for one second in the span of eternity you feel like you’re worth something. And to know for just one brief second in time that it was real. That you existed. That you were wholly alive and that you and who you are and what you did meant something.

               Even if it was only to you, and that’s all that it would ever be.

               And sometimes—just sometimes-- even the lie is enough.

  

Inspiration- a drabble by avsongbird

                You never know when inspiration will hit you, or where it will come from. It just hits you, like lightning. And it catches your soul on fire.

               I’ve always considered myself a kind of lightning rod. I never really understood why. Was it my imagination, my open mind, my sensitive and caring nature?

               All I know is, that lightning struck me for the first time when I was young, and it’s found me ever since.

               It strikes me anywhere, at any time it pleases.

It sends me searching for napkins in restaurants, begging for pens….

               It has me tearing out of bed, nearly falling on my face before I find myself running to my computer….

               It wakes me in the night from my deepest of dreams, brings me back from the innermost reaches of my mind.

               It terrifies me… invigorates me… it excites me.

               It makes my blood hum in my veins and makes my nerves tingle.

               It makes every inch of me come alive as I feel the inspiration burning in my skin.
               It makes me feel more alive than I've ever felt.

               It’s a scary feeling sometimes—wild, uncontrollable—but it’s exciting just the same.

               And I’d never have it any other way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWoMd371PfE

introductory vlog-- the countdown to my Christmas weight loss goal- bring on the 8s!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLwGMyWYAh4

avsongbird vlog #21 challenging myself and upcoming events

avsongbird vlog #20- the state of things in the songbird nest

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHb1jopbRqY

minecrafting - into the wild- exploring hubby's server

Sorry the vid's a little choppy, I'm working on my little laptop and I'm still working a few kinks out with the recording, and smoothing things out lag-wise. I finally got my map working on hubby's server, and wanted to take you guys out into the wild with me :-)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2ynk2-ejUQ&feature=youtu.be

my newest let's play series addition from my youtube- as requested by viewers

I had quite a few people asking me to play more of this game, including my two youngest stepsons. Part of me wonders if they don't just want to laugh at me being a total wuss and jumping at every little bitty jumpscare that pops up. What do you think?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCuI-FYkobg

another side of my youtube channel

At first, I thought I'd keep my blog and my youtube separate when it came to my let's plays, figuring my readers wouldn't be interested in any of my let's plays or whatever games I'm playing to entertain my youtube viewers, but then I realized some of my viewers have followed me here the way some of my readers followed me over to youtube. I thought I'd offer links to one of my let's plays here, so you guys could go check it out if you like, those of you who are into games and gaming and let's plays. I'm in the middle of this series now, and I'm having a lot of fun with it. I hope it makes you laugh, if you do watch, and if you're having a bad day and are badly in need of a laugh, I hope it helps! If you're not into this sort of thing don't worry-- I'm still doing the rest of my writing alongside my let's plays. This is just another facet of my personality and just one of my newest hobbies. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aeqa6yluWlM&list=PLS9sffjV1AAsuhllT-9Tj8aYOLR8p9UUm&index=1

make me feel- original song by avsongbird

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0xC-XhHz9g&feature=youtu.be

Had a really rough day today but I didn't forget about you guys

Got some hard news this afternoon, and it's gonna a couple of days for me to process. I didn't want you guys to think I forgot about posting today, but I wanted to be honest with you about what happened, and where my head was. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLMjkYxXIcQ&feature=youtu.be

How it feels- a drabble by avsongbird

It’s so strange for me, to be accepted for my writing, my vlogs, for the vids I’m putting out, and to have people get back to me. I’m not used to being so openly accepted. I’ve always been more or less socially awkward, and I have to laugh—people watch my vlogs and I’ve been told I come across as confident, well spoken.

I’ve always had a decent enough vocabulary- being in love with words and reading and writing the way I always have been, it’s kind of hard at this point not to have a decent enough vocabulary—and I’m annoyingly aware of my tendency to slip into rambling when I’m nervous or scared, or feeling unsure of myself.

If you came across me on the street, and you smiled and tried to pull me into conversation, I’d turn fifty shades of red from the get-go, with my heart tripping over itself and everything else in my chest as I offered you a shy smile and tried to put together something clever or witty to say in return.

Knowing me, I’d end up coming across as eager to please and trying too hard, and all the best comebacks to all your jokes wouldn’t hit me until about an hour or two after we’d parted ways again.

It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you; it’s not that I don’t enjoy the conversation. On the contrary.

It’s just that I’m not used to it, and working my way into being social and having the blogging and the Youtubing and all the things I’m doing now building my confidence, it’s taking time for me to get my confidence level even to the point it’s at now.

But if you mention writing… books… movies… music… or videogames…? If the conversation steers off into one of my hobbies, I’m good. I could listen or talk for hours about anything and everything, so long as the spotlight stays off of me. I’ve had people I’ve met in my life where I sat up all night, just listening to them talk about themselves, and their lives. I love hearing about other people, and I’ve always loved listening to people.

It’s when the attention and the focus turns to me that I really get really shy, and that includes talk of my stories, my videos, my singing, my work. It’s really taking some adjusting to have people come to me and tell me what they think. And I love it. Doing the blogs and now doing the Youtube, especially now that I’m getting back into video-gaming and I’m having more Youtubers and real let’s players draw me into collaborations and interacting with them, I’m finding a sense of belonging and purpose that I haven’t felt in a long time. And as busy as I am with all of it, I’m loving it.

I feel renewed as I sit here, knowing the running is getting easier again, knowing I’m wearing clothes I haven’t fit into in years, knowing I’m entertaining people and making people smile and laugh, and feel, knowing I’m throwing everything I have into being the best wife, stepmom, writer, blogger, youtuber, sister, daughter, friend that I can be, I feel alive in ways I haven’t in a long damn time.

And it’s a euphoric feeling. There’s no other way to put it. Pure euphoria. 

 http://youtu.be/CIzKB-ONFCQ

Family is everything vlog