vlog #24 an invitation to my friends, viewers, readers, followers, and ...

Family is everything vlog

Picking up steam

           It feels really good to see the way everything is starting to fall into place in my life, now that I’m making a few changes in my habits and to my lifestyle in general. I stepped onto the scale this morning and found I’d dropped two more pounds over the course of the last week, bringing my weight loss over the course of the last month or so up to around 15 lbs, so, even with my sore legs, I’m excited to know I’m making progress with that.

            I woke up in a panic this morning, almost falling out of bed as I reached for my phone to check the time, and my husband watched me with bleary, “oh so not awake” eyes as I dashed for the bathroom, to shower.

            I had friends waiting on me. They’d seen the video I shared on my youtube the day before, of me running around being “oh so noob” at minecraft, and they’d invited me to play with them. And there I was, tripping over myself and muttering in my still-half asleep way that this was going to be one of those days where the coffee could never be strong enough.

            And I was already over an hour late.

            I hate to be late for anything. I always have. Growing up, my mother looked at being late as being one of the cardinal sins in life, so even the thought of being late for anything was pretty much understood to be out of the question.

So I texted off a quick “sorryshowercoffeeillbethere” to my friends, and I fell/stepped into the shower.

 The meeting went fine. Any nervous feeling I had dissipated quickly as the three of us ran around for an hour or so and had a blast just talking, laughing, running around killing monsters and just having a good time together.

I sat back for a moment when it was all over, staring at my screen and just thinking to myself, how a few months ago, if I hadn’t started my youtube— then further back still, that if I hadn’t started my blog, that led to me being asked to start a youtube—days like today, running around with my new friends and having so much fun wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t taken that one step.

A year ago, I never would have imagined I’d be sitting here now, juggling a youtube and a blog and vlogs, and well underway into my running training, racing towards that goal of getting back down to my ideal weight. It’s so many changes oh so quickly, and even the thought of how much has changed over the course of the last few months is enough to almost make my head spin.

It’s getting easier as time passes to juggle everything as I come to learn more about making videos and how to improve my content on my youtube and in my blogs, and with my running, every pound I lose means that much less weight I have to carry on those ten miles I go every day. And every day that passes, as I find myself shedding the skin I’d sunk into over the course of the last few years, I feel myself sinking back into myself again, becoming more and more myself again, and with each day, I feel more and more at peace with myself, with the world around me.

I can’t get over how good it all feels, making it happen and then sitting back to watch it all starting to come to bear. It’s a really good feeling. And sitting here now, a couple of months in and looking back, I know I’d never go back to the way things were before, when I was pretty much shut away from everything, where I hid myself and my work and the person I am away from the world in the belief that I couldn’t make a difference, and that people wouldn’t care or notice whether I was there or not.

It’s a really good feeling to know that your presence and your absence matters to people—to know that the things you do and the things you say make a difference to people. And I’m starting to realize that there are people in my life who do value me, even when I have nothing to offer them but myself.

And I have to admit—it’s a damned good feeling.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYSwFm2pq90&feature=youtu.be

"Have you Ever pt 2"- a drabble from my blog by avsongbird on my youtube channel

"This bugs the hell out of me, so I'm getting it off my chest. Please bear with me"- rant/drabble read and discussed on my youtube channel

Have you ever pt. 2

Have you ever had a time in your life where you felt lost

And the one thing you really found yourself longing for, was someone you could talk to, someone you could bare your soul to, without the fear that that person would bare your soul to others, when your words were meant to be shared with them alone?

I have always loved when my friends felt they could turn to me. To know that that trust, that bond, was attainable. That I could be the confidante they needed to help them in any way I could. But there have been times, honestly, when I envied them; that they had someone that they could bare their soul to. I've always been a secretive person when it came to the things that hurt me, the things that scared me. When I'm lost, or scared, I wear a smile. As such, a precious few know of things in my past that made me the way that I am. The part that hurts is knowing that I have so few people that I can honestly talk to.

Right now, my life is in transition, and as always, I wear a smile, I make a list of things that need to be done, and check them off as I do them, always reminding myself of how much easier things will be on the other side of the current situation. 

This bugs the hell out of me, so I'm getting it off my chest. Please bear with me.

             Who the hell was it who woke up one day and decided that when someone gets married, they cannot look at or talk to members of the opposite sex outside of their family members without everyone else chipping in their two cents and labeling them a cheater or a whore or a player or automatically assuming that they're "playing the field"? I'm a married woman, and I love my husband. There's honestly nothing in this world I wouldn't do or give for him. And when we exchanged our vows back in 2009, I meant every word.

             I've never cheated on my husband. I've never even been tempted. Is our married life perfect? No. We're human, we're not perfect, and it's ludicrous to believe anyone could be. Every relationship you'll ever be in, romantic or otherwise in your life, is going to have its ups and downs, and that's part of what makes it worth it. You remember the highs to get you through the lows. You look back at the rough patches and remember having each other to get you through it. To show you the silver lining through the clouds.

               What the hell kind of a life do you have without people you love to share it with? People you can laugh and cry and be yourself with and not have to worry about pretending to be anything but who and what you are with?

               I've never had my own massive entourage of friends, in fact I've always been pretty introverted by nature, but I was never without a handful of really close, really incredible friends. Friends who could call me at three in the morning and cry if they needed, or come over and eat ice cream and tell me about their problems. I once had a friend actually call me at 3 in the morning and we spent the remainder of the night driving around in her car so she could tell me about her problems and I could help her out in any way I could.

               Another time a friend of mine called me up, having relationship problems, so we swung by a drive thru, picked up dinner, and drove out and sat by the freeway and ate and watched the cars pass us by till the sun went down, and we talked him through it.

               Yeah, I said him.

               And yeah, some of my closest friends have been guys throughout the course of my life. My best friend from the beginning of seventh grade all the way through high school was a guy.  To this day he knows if there was ever anything he needed, he could pick up the phone and I'd be there.

               Why should I stop being there for people just because I fell in love and got married? So some of my friends are still guys? So I enjoy their company. So what? Yes, my husband knows about it, yes my husband knows my friends personally. No, that doesn't mean I've ever cheated on my husband or considered it or that I'm looking to cheat down the road, and to be honest, the only man who should be concerned about it is my husband. I don't understand people, where they find out that I like talking to people, meeting new people, and they feel they suddenly need to hop up on that soapbox and read me the riot act about how I should shut myself in and cease to talk to everyone of the opposite sex because *gasp* I'm the reason they send me dirty messages, and I should go offline so that they're not tempted to send them to me.

               That their behavior and their way of treating women is my fault.

               And no, I'm not trolling dating sites, I'm not all over hookup sites. That would be one thing. I'm talking social sites here people. Facebook, or myspace style sites. Risque, I know. I should be ashamed of myself, apparently.

               But you know what? Even if I caved, and I did go offline and become a hermit, some other woman would be the one they sent such messages to. And it wouldn't be her fault either. It shouldn't be about whether we're married, whether we're not. That's between us and our spouses. It should be about respecting the person. (And yes, I'm talking about respect for the guys too!) If you don't agree with what they're doing, that's fine; you're more than entitled to your opinion. Move on. What's the point in reading them the riot act? What do you really accomplish other than making yourself sound like an ass in front of everyone else who reads what you have to say, and getting backed up by other likeminded, close minded, judgmental people? Why all the negativity?  Life is already too damned short as it is!

               I've always been an open-minded person. I've always loved meeting new people from all walks of life and hearing them talk about themselves at length-- their different backgrounds, their different religions, their passions, their hopes, their dreams. I love nothing more than watching them light up when they talk about something they love, something they're passionate about.

               I love people on a person by person basis. I've been that way all my life. I don't understand why I should have to give that up now, and honestly, I have no intentions of it. I shouldn't have to change who I am to become this little cookie cutter image of what people think I should be. I'm a good person, I'm a caring, honest, passionate, friendly and loyal sort of person with a good heart. And I have no intentions on ever changing that.

                Thank you so much for letting me vent about it, whoever's still reading my rant, if anyone. I know I should just continue to ignore and to block the negative people, as I've always done, but I guess I just don't understand why people treat other people with so little respect. It's always bugged the ever-living hell out of me.