avsongbird vlog #28- a long weekend

Halloween Q & A challenge

Getting busier all the time

I've always loved being busy. I get antsy whenever things get too quiet, too easy and mellow. Don't get me wrong, I love relaxing, kicking back as much as the next person. But since I started my blogs, and a few months later my vlogs, and then my lets plays, along with the running, gardening, my homelife, my life is getting busier all the time, and I love it. 

      I started working with other people through my Youtube as I cross paths with people who share various interests of mine, and I have a few collaborations currently in the works. I created a playlist on my Youtube that links out to a few of them, and then I started a new playlist based on a new series I'm currently working on, teamed up with a new friend of mine and a fellow Youtuber. 

      By way of explanation, Deb invited me to team up with her in this season's minecraft hardcore, now in its sixth season, and as we started out, we find we're hitting it off great, and that we think along the same lines when it comes to surviving such a competition, and plotting out a gameplan on how we will survive the horrors our moderator intends to throw at us. 

      I will post the link below for those of you who are interested in checking out the series. I hope you enjoy it as much as we are! 

vlog #24 an invitation to my friends, viewers, readers, followers, and ...

avsongbird vlog #20- the state of things in the songbird nest

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHb1jopbRqY

minecrafting - into the wild- exploring hubby's server

Sorry the vid's a little choppy, I'm working on my little laptop and I'm still working a few kinks out with the recording, and smoothing things out lag-wise. I finally got my map working on hubby's server, and wanted to take you guys out into the wild with me :-)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2ynk2-ejUQ&feature=youtu.be

my newest let's play series addition from my youtube- as requested by viewers

I had quite a few people asking me to play more of this game, including my two youngest stepsons. Part of me wonders if they don't just want to laugh at me being a total wuss and jumping at every little bitty jumpscare that pops up. What do you think?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCuI-FYkobg

another side of my youtube channel

At first, I thought I'd keep my blog and my youtube separate when it came to my let's plays, figuring my readers wouldn't be interested in any of my let's plays or whatever games I'm playing to entertain my youtube viewers, but then I realized some of my viewers have followed me here the way some of my readers followed me over to youtube. I thought I'd offer links to one of my let's plays here, so you guys could go check it out if you like, those of you who are into games and gaming and let's plays. I'm in the middle of this series now, and I'm having a lot of fun with it. I hope it makes you laugh, if you do watch, and if you're having a bad day and are badly in need of a laugh, I hope it helps! If you're not into this sort of thing don't worry-- I'm still doing the rest of my writing alongside my let's plays. This is just another facet of my personality and just one of my newest hobbies. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aeqa6yluWlM&list=PLS9sffjV1AAsuhllT-9Tj8aYOLR8p9UUm&index=1

How it feels- a drabble by avsongbird

It’s so strange for me, to be accepted for my writing, my vlogs, for the vids I’m putting out, and to have people get back to me. I’m not used to being so openly accepted. I’ve always been more or less socially awkward, and I have to laugh—people watch my vlogs and I’ve been told I come across as confident, well spoken.

I’ve always had a decent enough vocabulary- being in love with words and reading and writing the way I always have been, it’s kind of hard at this point not to have a decent enough vocabulary—and I’m annoyingly aware of my tendency to slip into rambling when I’m nervous or scared, or feeling unsure of myself.

If you came across me on the street, and you smiled and tried to pull me into conversation, I’d turn fifty shades of red from the get-go, with my heart tripping over itself and everything else in my chest as I offered you a shy smile and tried to put together something clever or witty to say in return.

Knowing me, I’d end up coming across as eager to please and trying too hard, and all the best comebacks to all your jokes wouldn’t hit me until about an hour or two after we’d parted ways again.

It’s not that I don’t want to talk to you; it’s not that I don’t enjoy the conversation. On the contrary.

It’s just that I’m not used to it, and working my way into being social and having the blogging and the Youtubing and all the things I’m doing now building my confidence, it’s taking time for me to get my confidence level even to the point it’s at now.

But if you mention writing… books… movies… music… or videogames…? If the conversation steers off into one of my hobbies, I’m good. I could listen or talk for hours about anything and everything, so long as the spotlight stays off of me. I’ve had people I’ve met in my life where I sat up all night, just listening to them talk about themselves, and their lives. I love hearing about other people, and I’ve always loved listening to people.

It’s when the attention and the focus turns to me that I really get really shy, and that includes talk of my stories, my videos, my singing, my work. It’s really taking some adjusting to have people come to me and tell me what they think. And I love it. Doing the blogs and now doing the Youtube, especially now that I’m getting back into video-gaming and I’m having more Youtubers and real let’s players draw me into collaborations and interacting with them, I’m finding a sense of belonging and purpose that I haven’t felt in a long time. And as busy as I am with all of it, I’m loving it.

I feel renewed as I sit here, knowing the running is getting easier again, knowing I’m wearing clothes I haven’t fit into in years, knowing I’m entertaining people and making people smile and laugh, and feel, knowing I’m throwing everything I have into being the best wife, stepmom, writer, blogger, youtuber, sister, daughter, friend that I can be, I feel alive in ways I haven’t in a long damn time.

And it’s a euphoric feeling. There’s no other way to put it. Pure euphoria. 

 http://youtu.be/CIzKB-ONFCQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HellNKQzIMc&feature=youtu.be

avsongbird vlog #19 a very busy life, odd jobs, and lets play plans

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ndmgoXAOUY&feature=youtu.be

Thank you!

I wanted to take a moment to thank you guys, all of you who drop in to read my blogs, and those of you who are signing up to follow me on wordpress or by email, and those of you who are following the vlogs on my youtube. Not because I think I’m a big shot, but because you inspire me. The feedback and the interaction I’m getting from all of you inspires me in my writing and in the work I’m doing with the blogs and the youtube. Every day I find myself more and more driven to keep pushing myself to the next level, to keep improving the stories I share with you, and the videos I put out for you. I’m grateful for the fact that each and every one of you takes the time to stop by and to see what I’m working on. So sorry guys, no poem for today, no story, just a heartfelt thank you to each and every one of you for your time. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lwW4pcaiqY&feature=youtu.be

Picking up steam

           It feels really good to see the way everything is starting to fall into place in my life, now that I’m making a few changes in my habits and to my lifestyle in general. I stepped onto the scale this morning and found I’d dropped two more pounds over the course of the last week, bringing my weight loss over the course of the last month or so up to around 15 lbs, so, even with my sore legs, I’m excited to know I’m making progress with that.

            I woke up in a panic this morning, almost falling out of bed as I reached for my phone to check the time, and my husband watched me with bleary, “oh so not awake” eyes as I dashed for the bathroom, to shower.

            I had friends waiting on me. They’d seen the video I shared on my youtube the day before, of me running around being “oh so noob” at minecraft, and they’d invited me to play with them. And there I was, tripping over myself and muttering in my still-half asleep way that this was going to be one of those days where the coffee could never be strong enough.

            And I was already over an hour late.

            I hate to be late for anything. I always have. Growing up, my mother looked at being late as being one of the cardinal sins in life, so even the thought of being late for anything was pretty much understood to be out of the question.

So I texted off a quick “sorryshowercoffeeillbethere” to my friends, and I fell/stepped into the shower.

 The meeting went fine. Any nervous feeling I had dissipated quickly as the three of us ran around for an hour or so and had a blast just talking, laughing, running around killing monsters and just having a good time together.

I sat back for a moment when it was all over, staring at my screen and just thinking to myself, how a few months ago, if I hadn’t started my youtube— then further back still, that if I hadn’t started my blog, that led to me being asked to start a youtube—days like today, running around with my new friends and having so much fun wouldn’t have been possible if I hadn’t taken that one step.

A year ago, I never would have imagined I’d be sitting here now, juggling a youtube and a blog and vlogs, and well underway into my running training, racing towards that goal of getting back down to my ideal weight. It’s so many changes oh so quickly, and even the thought of how much has changed over the course of the last few months is enough to almost make my head spin.

It’s getting easier as time passes to juggle everything as I come to learn more about making videos and how to improve my content on my youtube and in my blogs, and with my running, every pound I lose means that much less weight I have to carry on those ten miles I go every day. And every day that passes, as I find myself shedding the skin I’d sunk into over the course of the last few years, I feel myself sinking back into myself again, becoming more and more myself again, and with each day, I feel more and more at peace with myself, with the world around me.

I can’t get over how good it all feels, making it happen and then sitting back to watch it all starting to come to bear. It’s a really good feeling. And sitting here now, a couple of months in and looking back, I know I’d never go back to the way things were before, when I was pretty much shut away from everything, where I hid myself and my work and the person I am away from the world in the belief that I couldn’t make a difference, and that people wouldn’t care or notice whether I was there or not.

It’s a really good feeling to know that your presence and your absence matters to people—to know that the things you do and the things you say make a difference to people. And I’m starting to realize that there are people in my life who do value me, even when I have nothing to offer them but myself.

And I have to admit—it’s a damned good feeling.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYSwFm2pq90&feature=youtu.be

a question and a request for all of you (and yes, some rambling too)

"owning up and being yourself"- a drabble by avsongbird- includes vlog of reading from my youtube channel

               It’s so easy to say that the circumstances that are your life were NOT your fault—that where you are and what you are, are simply the product of others. It’s hard to stand up straight and strong, steeling your spine against those who would judge you, and to say “Yes, I made those decisions, and I made those mistakes, and I am the reason that I screwed up.”

               Hard, yes, but necessary in the path to growing up.

               I know that for a long time I was guilty of passing the buck to others. I kept telling myself that it wasn’t my fault—that I was as I was because of genetics, because of my sheltered upbringing, or because I wasn’t allowed to do otherwise.

               The truth was—I liked where I was. I was loved, I was sheltered, I was safe, and that sanctuary was always a strongpoint for me. It is all at once my springboard and my safe-haven—the place I always start from and come back to, my alpha and omega.

               Genetics? My line is a line of strong men and women, all of which I am proud to call my ancestry, and of which I am proud to be a descendent. Whatever problems I ever claimed to have with my genetics was simply a cop-out—a scape-goat- a way for me to explain away those times when I raged, when I felt weak.

               The weakness was never in them—in the ones who came before-- it was in me that it resided, and always has been.

               Do you want to know the truth? The honest, complete, black-and-white truth?

               I was afraid, though I would never admit it.

               I was always afraid that I would not be accepted for who I was, loved for who I was. I spent most of my life working as hard as I could to please people, to bend and twist myself into what I believed they wanted me to be. And I was losing myself continuously in the process.

               How can you ever hope to find who you truly are if you do that? The simple fact is, I couldn’t. The fact is—you have to free yourself to be who you ARE, and be true to your nature, in order to find real happiness in this world. Otherwise, no one can ever really know you, or touch you, or hope to really connect with you any deeper than your inner walls allow.

               That can lead to a solitary life. Believe me—I know. I kept myself isolated for a long time—a prisoner in my own mind, and I do not recommend it to anyone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwBTgf3cjV4

ten question challenge on my youtube channel

1000 views on youtube!

I'm still under the weather today, but I couldn't wait to thank all of my viewers, and all of my readers, because you guys are making this a truly amazing experience for me, as a person and certainly as a writer. And with the more time that passes, the less afraid I'm becoming of sharing my work with all of you because you guys have been absolutely amazing in your support of me and of my work. Thank you!

avsongbird vlog #15- blogging, running, minecrafting!

To hell with your age- a drabble by avsongbird, read audiobook style on my youtube channel

"Finding Jesse" - side note to "Run Jesse" by avsongbird